There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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