I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
