Christians are straight up FREAKS
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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