I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
