at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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