just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
