1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
