So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
