He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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