fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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