I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
