Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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