I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize