I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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