also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
