If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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