i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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