I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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