I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
