Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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