dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
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