I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
