Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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