We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize