Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
