Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
