4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize