i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
