i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
