I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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