Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
