I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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