there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
