I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
