Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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