I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
