He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
