Do you still have your period?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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