Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
