Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
