I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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