Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
