(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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