They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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