Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
