My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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