In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
