i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Randomize