i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
