On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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