I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You did what with his pubic hair?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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