have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
3pm strippers are depressing
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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