im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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