It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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