so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
