So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
