Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize