If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
