i just had sex bonerless
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
