I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize