I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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