I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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