Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
