He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize