I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
