You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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