i think my mom watched the whole time
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
