She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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