Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize