I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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