omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
