his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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