i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
