"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You work out of a Hotel?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
