Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
