I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize