my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
