I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
