I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
