Your face is a jimmy john
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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