i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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