You made me cry and you don't even care
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
