i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
