you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
