I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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