My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
