I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
