It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
