I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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