"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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