I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
