Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
