At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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