fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
