Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
