Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
