people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
