New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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