Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
