dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
