I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
