i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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