I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
