i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
