Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize