Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think I won the penis lottery.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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