i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
