Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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