Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
